Day 45 Holiday Challenge

New Year's Eve!!!

Tonight I challenged my Vigil Mass crowd to pray a Hail Mary each day of 2015 for their particular resolution. It turns out that the majority of people who have given up resolutions did not pray or keep their resolution in mind on the day they gave up. Why not ask the Mother of God to help you stay motivated throughout the next year? 

Here's a little formula you can try:

Mary, my mother and helper, help me to stay motivated in my effort to (state resolution) for at least today. 

Hail Mary...

I can't tell you how many people who have tried this end up surprising me with amazing results half way through the year. May the Mother of God surprise you. 

For myself, I resolve to run my first 10k this year, to get to my first goal weight of 50% loss by June 2 (my 30th birthday), and perhaps to be below the 200 mark for 2016. 

Day 42 Holiday Challenge: weigh in day

Weigh In day 

Weight at start of challenge: 289.4

Today's weight: 272.6

Week 1: -1.6

Week 2: -3.2

Week 3: +.4

Week 4: -3.2

Week 5: -8.8

Week 6: -.4

Total challenge loss: 16.8

Total loss since oct 2013: 191.4

Christmas time is probably the busiest time of the year. I knew how much this week would be a challenge after the big loss posted last week. What I was unprepared for was the amount of food in the house, since this was the first Christmas back and in a new parish. At the end of the week I have been as high as 275 and as low as 271, hovering around last week's weight. I am happy with this week's result. 

Emotionally, I did okay. It was a weird week for me, and I contemplated at many times giving up on the blog. Suffice it to say that I have encountered some old feelings which I since brought up in my twelve step group and with trusted friends. As much as I feel like I'm in control of this in my life, I am constantly reminded how much I need God to be in control, and how much I still need support. 

On Christmas I remarked on Facebook: 

When I think of where I was this time last year and where I am now, I am very thankful for the gift of being with family, friends, and loving parishioners for Christmas. It brought me great joy to sing with the choir tonight, and to celebrate Midnight Mass in Spanish. 

I keep in mind, though, all my brothers and sisters who are in recovery and rehab centers, those in jail, the homeless, the sick and suffering, those without family, friends, or Church. May the light of the star of Bethlehem shine on the darkest places of our world, and may the light of recovery guide all to lasting health and peace.

It's in this light that I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy new year. I will try my best to keep offering tips for the Holiday season as I look forward to my goal date of Jan 9th. 

Day 36 Holiday Challenge

As Christmas approaches, it may not be the crazy all at once eating fest of Thanksgiving, but it can be a season of parties and those Christmas goodies, stockings filled with candy canes and Hershey's kisses, cookies, and nog, and...you get the picture.

But your Yuletide joy does not need to be taken away a couple days after, as most people decide to wait until New Years to make those healthy resolutions. Since you are making them now, review the good tools that you used leading up to Thanksgiving. Keep them fresh in your mind. This is more of a marathon of good practices, than a sprint. Just know that it's going to be easier to give in to smaller temptations more frequently....and those add up! Tracking is key...make adjustments as needed. 

Here's an article that puts eating out at restaurants into perspective. Just imagine if you weren't tracking! 

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/12/22/upshot/what-2000-calories-looks-like.html?_r=0&abt=0002&abg=0

Day 35 Holiday Challenge: weigh in

Weigh in Day

Start challenge weight: 289.4

Today's weight: 273

Week 1: -1.6

Week 2: -3.2

Week 3: +.4

Week 4: -3.2

Week 5: -8.8

Total challenge loss: 16.4

Total loss (since oct 2013): 191

I'm scratching my head with this one, but I've weighed myself a couple times over the last couple days. The result is accurate. I've somehow posted a big loss this week. The combo of being sick, working hard, getting more cardio in than strength training, and cutting back on extra calories has paid off. I don't expect my body to keep this going for next week, but I'm very happy for this weigh in. 

What this means is that I have crossed the 190 mark, having only 10 to go til the big 200, and 40 to go til 50% loss. I have also hit the goal of my challenge, and so I will set a further goal of 6 more pounds before Jan 9th. That will take me to 267, which is a pound less than my lowest weight in seminary. 

As we prepare for the coming of the Lord at Christmas, I reflect on the role of the Virgin Mary, who allowed this wonderful mystery to unfold with a simple "yes" to the Lord. May we continue to give our "yes" to this endeavor, knowing that with the Lord all things are possible. 

Day 32 Holiday Challenge

Be encouraging to someone else!

Today's objective: pay it forward with a word of encouragement 

Chances are that if you are sticking to your routine and seeing results, other people might give you a compliment. If they ask you how you're doing it, this is a prime time not only to tell them but to give them a word of encouragement. I'm a firm believer in that statement "since I can do it, you can." (Results will vary, of course!) 

The tools presented here on the blog will work if you use them. This aspect of a program of maintenance and weight loss is another tool: encouraging other people helps you stay encouraged! 

Passing on the message to people who might need it is a great way to start a community of people who are focused on health and wellness. In turn, these people are going to support you in your efforts. It may be hard to reach out and say "hey, I think you may need this," because you don't want to offend people. That's why the best way to get your foot in the door is if they come to you for advice or ask what your secret is. 

But it doesn't have to stop with weight loss. Encourage people or compliment then for other things, as well. We are all along life's path. We all need encouragement on the road to heaven. 

In that light, may you who are reading know of my prayers for you. Keep up your resolves! May this time of preparation for Christmas bless you richly. Just please pass on the message! 

Day 31 Holiday Challenge

Today the Church begins the O Antiphons during the Gospel Acclamation, which can also be found in the traditional Advent hymn "O come, O come, Emmanuel". Today's calls on the wisdom of God which orders all things. 

It's wise to believe in a wisdom which comes from above. The human condition is such that we often believe we know everything. But the very reason that you're reading this, or I'm even writing this, is because we seek the wisdom of our peers to help us along life's journey. If we are willing to rely on the wisdom of others, why aren't we willing to rely on the wisdom that comes from God?

Thought for the day: 

The kingdom of God is not a matter of eating or drinking, but of righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. -Romans 14:17

Day 29 Holiday Challenge

I was like the walking dead for Mass this morning. This cold is taking its toll, but I'm hanging in there. I got called to sing at a funeral and performed remarkably well. 

Actually, I shocked myself and my trainer at the gym this afternoon. He sees no plateau in my training at all, only gains. My workout included the following: 

Chin/dip assists at 150lbs x 6 x 2, 180x 6, 20 burpees x 2, chops and other fun free motion stuff, core work out with medicine ball, leg lifts, and bicycle kicks. 

Today's thought (as I go to bed), persevere through! It's worth it. Before you're even half way through, you will know a sense of true accomplishment and joy. 

Day 28 Holiday Challenge: weigh in

Weigh in day

Start challenge weight: 289.4

Today's weight: 281.8

Week 1: -1.6

Week 2: -3.2

Week 3: +.4

Week 4: -3.2

Total challenge loss: 7.6

Total loss (since oct 2013): 182.2

I'm happy that I saw weight loss this week. After working out twice with the trainer I definitely saw some fluid retention. I was also sick this week, but this didn't interfere with my diet. Pray that my cold goes away for the last Dan Kane Singers Christmas Concert today. 

Prayers and blessings to all on the journey. 

Day 26 Holiday Challenge

Yesterday I was having trouble getting the post to publish...

Out of sight, out of mind

Today's hint: get rid of the "problem foods" 

If you have a food that you know you would binge or overeat on, the easiest way to keep on the bandwagon this Holiday Season is to simply eliminate it from your diet. This can be hard, especially if it's still present in your house. The dramatic weight loss shows show the participants throwing out all the junk food in the house. You may, however, have other people in the house that like those foods.The best thing to do is have a conversation with them if this is the case. Would an alcoholic in recovery keep alcohol in the house? Absolutely not. Should you keep those problem foods in the house? Maybe you can part from them. 

At the very least, you can change the environment. Maybe place those foods where you won't see them. If it's out of sight, it'll likely be out of your mind. 

At those parties, sit yourself away from the food table. Keep food where food is normally eaten, that means get rid of it in your living room or private bedroom. 

It would be a good practice to search for the calorie content of your problem foods. You may be shocked at the changes you have to make in your diet just to eat one or two of them. Write down a list and keep that in sight for a bit, it might help you make the right decision when you next see that Holiday favorite. 

Day 24 Holiday Challenge

It's been a sick day for me, as I battle the elements and the full blown symptoms of sore throat, sniffles, cough, and headache. But after sleeping in all day, I managed to get to the gym (that's to say I felt ok enough and didn't seem to be coughing so as to get others sick), and went out with friends for some awesome sushi. 

Thought of the day comes from the Book of the Prophet Isaiah 40:28-31 (from today's reading at Mass). It's appropriate given my sickly morning state:

Do you not know
   or have you not heard?
The LORD is the eternal God,
   creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint nor grow weary,
   and his knowledge is beyond scrutiny.
He gives strength to the fainting;
   for the weak he makes vigor abound.
Though young men faint and grow weary,
   and youths stagger and fall,
They that hope in the Lord will renew their strength,
   they will soar as with eagles’ wings;
They will run and not grow weary,
   walk and not grow faint.

May you find strength in Him, keep up your routines, and not grow weary! 

Day 23 Holiday Challenge

Let Go and Let God

Today's objective: lay down your burdens before God

I was surprised this morning when I got on the scale to see that I had dropped about 5 lbs in two days. I immediately realized the situational stress I had been under was gone. I was relaxed. 

Even though I feel a cold coming on, I was excited for my workout with my trainer. Both he and another trainer friend of mine concur that I must be cortisol sensitive, which causes water retention when you are stressed. I knew I felt the weight fluctuation when I worked out last Thursday, and I was so upset that I attributed it to bad calorie counting. We'll just say, persevere with the tools and little weight fluctuations will work themselves out.

I've been used to this before, only the fluctuations were smaller. I've learned to make stress somewhat of a friend. But like Kelly said at the end of the TED talk, she wouldn't necessarily welcome stress into her life. For me, I'm glad it passed.

One of the tools is getting that "me time" in. Yet I think a larger tool is the process of laying down our burdens before the Lord. This, of course, can take place during our "me time", but it's an entire offering of the self and life's worries to the God who can take care of everything. 

Today the Church celebrates a great saint who saw the apparitions of Our Lady of Guadaupe. St Juan Diego was a holy man, but not immune from stress. When his uncle was ill, he even avoided the hill where the Virgin appeared, so as not to interrupt his mission to aid him in his sickness. 

Our Lady met St Juan Diego on the way, telling him not to worry: "Am I not here who am your mother?" Juan Diego shows us that even in the midst of carrying life's heavy burdens, heavenly help exists to bring us through it all. 

Take some time today to bring God your thoughts, worries, stress, hopes, and desires. Our Lady of Guadalupe and St. Juan Diego, pray for us! 

Day 22 Holiday Challenge

Even though it's cold, don't stay cooped up!

Today's objective: find some fun winter activity

The other day I started thinking about the fun winter activities I used to enjoy. Since the snow has melted, but the cold has returned, my mind immediately went to ice skating. I used to be a pretty good skater when I was a kid. I think the last time I went skating was a couple years ago. 

While on a drive around the block, I found a local skating arena with public skating. Since I'm at the healthiest weight I've been in years, I thought, why not? 10 bucks for ice fee and skate rental, and two hours of skating? Sure! 

In reality, I only skated for about 20 minutes, because it was that cold (about 14 degrees this morning). I'll need some better gloves and perhaps a friend to skate with next time.

Even though your hands might fall off, grab some winter gear and get out and enjoy those winter sports! 

Day 21 Holiday Challenge

Weigh in day

Challenge Start weight: 289.4

Today's Weight: 285

Week 1: -1.6

Week 2: -3.2

Week 3: +.4

Challenge weight loss: 4.4

Overall weight loss (oct 2013): 179

As I expected several times this week, I have been very stressed and on the road, helping my Mom move. I have more or less maintained my weight throughout. I experienced a normal fluctuation after a hard workout at the gym. Has my diet been 100% on track? No. 

At this point, it all has to do with behavior.    In terms of eating, I haven't lost any of my "abstinence" as regards overeating or binging. But in terms of the science of it all, the data suggests that I can be more discerning with regard to the calorie intake and exercise...I did not get to the gym as much this week, focusing on moving boxes and furniture. Suffice it to say, it was hard to estimate, and hard to keep up when I was stressed. 

Luckily things are coming to a close with the move and I have some time for renewal. I will be focused on seeing some weight loss by next week. 

It's good to have small stumbles! It makes the journey real. 

Day 18 Holiday Challenge

Again I have to apologize, as duties and stress have been building, I needed to take a small hiatus from blogging. Back for more tips and inspiration. I hope you all have been doing well. I have been maintaining my weight this week, and fighting off urges to just give in and give up. 

Today's objective: Make stress your friend

It sounds odd, and maybe one of your stressors is the fact that friends don't seem to be around when you need them (I certainly feel that way sometimes). Stress is considered bad for our health, and it literally can lead us to depression and despair. Why would we want to make it our friend? 

Back when I was in rehab, I was given a link to a Ted talk that literally changed my life with regard to stress. Health Psychologist Kelly McGonigal explains why changing our minds with regards to stress can actually save our life from an early death. Viewing our stress response more like courage and the power to connect can actually improve the overall health of the human person and society.

http://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_mcgonigal_how_to_make_stress_your_friend?language=en

Day 15 Holiday Challenge

Portion Distortion

Today's Objective: practice portioning your food. 

Our American culture is very focused on the bigger is better philosophy when it comes to portion of food. In fact, this is related to a similar concept called perceived value. This notion is what makes it nearly impossible to leave a buffet without having consumed a week's worth of calories and gaining an extra pound or two. "I paid for it, I might as well get my fill!"

Portions are nearly out of control. It is great that the government recently made it mandatory for certain establishments to post the calorie content of their food. But this does nothing to change the way we eat if we don't know what a portion is. If we walk into a Subway and get one of those footlong sandwiches and eat it in one sitting, we've already overdone it. People lose weight eating at Subway because they understand that their body really only needs half of that perceived value footlong. 

What to do about portions? It can be confusing looking at serving sizes on nutritional information. An easier way is by sight. Another helpful tool the USDA has put out there is a visual guide called choosemyplate. There you will see what a plate should look like. 

A helpful on the run tool is your fist. The average human fist is about 1 cup of volume. If you think about 1/2 cup portions of starches or carbs, you'll be doing good. 

For protein, think 4 oz is a serving, and this is about equal to a deck of cards. Think about that the next time you see one of those king size cuts of prime rib. 

If you use myfitnesspal, you will become very adept at inputting servings the more you use it and these visual aids. If needed, consider purchasing a digital scale so that you can practice measuring and weighing your food. It can be a surprise when you pack down that food into servings of 1/2 cup. For me, this has been the number one lesson that has helped me to make better choices about food throughout the day. 

Smaller portions can take getting used to. If you ask for smaller portioned things at restaurants, you might be met with resistance or have to pay more. Your body will also have to adjust to eating less. Over time, though, you will see an improvement in the way you view food in terms of both portion and value. You body will adjust to this, and you will feel fuller on a reasonable portion of food. 

One last trick of the trade. When you go out, don't be afraid to ask for a box at the start of the meal. When your food comes, take the portion that you've learned, and put the rest in the box. A likely outcome is you will put about half of your food in your box to take home. 

Day 14 Holiday Challenge

1st Sunday of Advent

Weigh in Day:

Challenge Start Weight: 289.4

Today's Weight: 284.6

Week 1: -1.6lbs

Week 2: -3.2lbs

Total challenge loss: 4.8lbs

Total overall loss (since Oct 2013): 179.4

I am very pleased with this week's result, mostly because of the holiday. I have endured a significant amount of stress this week, which is also a reason to be excited. This means that instead of turning to food, I am turning to God and the tools of recovery more and more. 

Day 13 Holiday Challenge

Tonight marks the beginning of Advent, where we await the coming of the Lord, recalling his first coming at Christmas, and his continued presence among us in the sacraments. 

Today's thought: what are you waiting for? 

After a day of recovery, we hit the ground running, back to our routines of healthy eating and exercise. We remember our advantages and the end goal of our challenge. Yet, maybe we've encountered a little resistance? Maybe we want to stretch out the holiday and rest awhile? (it doesn't help that it's now the weekend)

Even though tonight begins a season of waiting, we ask ourselves "what are we waiting for?" We pick ourselves up, knowing that God gives us the sufficient strength to get back up and persevere to the end. We await the day where we can say the holidays will not bother us food or weight wise! But that means we need to get to work. 

Be watchful, stay alert! This is the Gospel imperative this weekend. In other words, watch out for the sluggish attitude where we fall into complacency and wait for everything to fall into our laps. Losing weight or maintaining over the season requires our daily participation in God's grace, and the use of the tools we've been given. 

Day 12 Holiday Challenge

After all the feasting and the Black Friday shopping, it's time to recover!

Today's objective: Don't continue the feast! 

If you had a good day yesterday, that is, if all went according to your plans, job well done! You still may be feeling the effects of the tryptophan in the turkey, or perhaps the weight of emotions that bringing your family together sometimes can stir up. Like an athlete hitting a hard sprint, you need to give your whole body and soul some time to recover from the "exercises" of the holiday. 

What's funny is that it might mean hitting the gym a little harder today. I got to a great 12 step meeting, and afterwards took my Friday spinning class at the gym. It feels good to have made it through the holiday without giving in to a binge, but I still needed that good workout. 

Overall, learning when to stop overeating and moving on to accomplish our goals is key. It helps to put things into perspective: if we overindulge, it does not mean that we have to continue. Thin people, or people that don't tend to yo-yo in weight, intuitively know this concept, and seem to put it into practice without much thought. They will scale back for the next day, if needed, and seamlessly transition into the pattern they had established before. 

For today, try either cutting down on the calories or stepping up the exercise. Just because yesterday's leftovers are there, it doesn't mean you have to eat them all today. In fact, why not declare today or tomorrow turkey, stuffing, and pie free days? 

Happy recovery! 

Day 11 Holiday Challenge

The day is here, one of the big reasons why you are doing this challenge. Today has been a traditional day for everyone to be an overeater. But it doesn't have to be so today. You get to define what to give thanks for today. It doesn't have to be an excuse to lose your resolve!

I give thanks for having lost a total of 180 lbs since Oct 2013. When I look at my progress log, it also shows that I've lost 150lbs since last Thanksgiving. I thank God, my family and friends, and all who have supported me in this journey. I can truly be thankful for being in the healthiest shape of my adult life. 

Today is a day to give thanks for the blessings in your life. Here at The Weigh and the Truth, the truth of the matter is that it isn't some abstract notion of thankfulness. Thanks demands to be given to someone. That someone is God. May you find him as the source of your blessings. 

Again, you have my support today. Don't give in to negative thoughts or "food pushers." You don't have to judge others because they are celebrating the day with food, but you can give yourself permission to skip the goodies, be healthy, and feel good come tomorrow morning. Take a look at yesterday's plan, and may God help you to carry it out. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Day 10 Holiday Challenge

Like the Boy Scout motto, be prepared!

Today's objective: have a plan for that Thanksgiving feast.

Since you've resolved to maintain or lose weight this Holiday Season, tomorrow is a great day to implement the tools you've already learned. We have a saying in my 12 step program that Thanksgiving is just another regular day. That might not be the case for you, especially as you gather with friends and family to celebrate, but at least you can find other things to be thankful for other than food, or the need to scarf it down. 

Let's review:

1. Find out your calorie needs. This means don't eat above your calorie needs for the day. If you are going to, get that workout in. Choose your foods wisely. Track, track, track! 

2. Practice spontaneous exercise. You might be sitting down all day. Go shovel some snow! 

3. Remember the difference between hunger and craving. Wait 20 minutes after you've finished your plate so your body can recognize it's full. Consider whether seconds are worth it. Maybe decide that you can skip a certain food or beverage. 

4. Read your advantages list. Be sure to keep this in mind when making those tough food decisions. Your goal is worth not overindulging! 

5. Be mindful! Experience your food, be thankful, be present to your family and friends. 

6. Check in with your method of accountability. Call or text someone if things get tough. Telling someone will help prevent you from getting off track. 

7. If you want to, weigh yourself. Don't do it compulsively through the next two days, but it may be helpful to know where you started and how the day may affect you. Otherwise, wait for your weigh in day. If you practice your tools, there should be no fear about the scale. 

8. Get your "me time" in. Being around a lot of people can be draining and stressful at times. It helps if the stress is building to step away for a few. This is yet another opportunity to be mindful and practice some spontaneous exercise.

9. Count your blessings. Stay positive. Give yourself credit for things you do well over the next few days. Be thankful on Thanksgiving!  

You have my support these next few days. You can achieve maintenance and weight loss this Holiday season!!!

Day 9 Holiday Challenge

Count your blessings! 

Just ahead of thanksgiving, when we pause as a nation to reflect on the many things that we are thankful for, we take the time to prepare for this occasion by practicing a well known spiritual exercise that has been proven in the cognitive behavioral fields of psychology...

Today's objective: give yourself credit! 

Too often we focus on the negative aspects of our behavior. We may repeat the same lines in our head: I'm so bad at this, I'm a failure, I will never get the hang of it, I ate that and now my diet is ruined, since I ate that I might as well give up and eat whatever I want the rest of the day. 

The thoughts can quickly spiral into more negative actions, and pretty soon our original resolve is completey overtaken by a depressing and sabotaging regression to where we were before, sometimes even worse. 

When we give ourselves credit, or when we count our blessings, we stay in a positive mode or mood, a way of thinking which doesn't retreat, but is always ready for the next moment of blessing. 

When you go to bed tonight, maybe as you plug in your phone or begin your evening routine, think of at least 5-10 things you can say you did well for yourself today. Took the stairs? Give yourself credit. Refused that extra serving? Give yourself credit! Logged all your food? Give yourself credit. Went to the gym, especially when you felt tired or lazy? Give yourself credit.

You may also want to think of these things as blessings, creating a list of gratitudes, eg. I ate what was in my food plan, and I'm happy I had food to eat. I'm thankful for that walk outside with that beautiful sunset. I'm so blessed with good friends who made me feel better so I didn't have to overindulge on food or alcohol. 

When we take the time to give ourselves credit or count our blessings, we focus on the positive, and prepare ourselves for this next moments of challenge. When we look forward to giving ourselves credit for overcoming a future obstacle, we set ourselves up for success. This Thursday we can be truly thankful for the blessings we have, and know that we don't have to overindulge. We can give ourselves credit for staying on track! 

Day 8 Holiday Challenge

Sorry I'm getting this out so late, but I had a family emergency. Things are ok for now, but could use some prayers, especially so I don't find bad ways to cope with things. 

In that light, today's objective was going to be and still is:

Find your "me time"!

Several times today I needed to take a couple minutes away from craziness so that I could gather myself, center in prayer, let things go. Jesus himself needed to find time alone to pray, even when immersed in ministry. 

Your "me time" is sacred. It is not something to be ashamed about or to forget because you believe you have to please everyone. I have already blogged about the need to take care of ourselves. When you know you are about to lose your wits, you may to announce it to the people around you that you need a second to calm down. 

I drove myself to a Church parking lot today. You may find coffee time, or a nice bubble bath or shower as a relaxing respite. Set it aside, even if you're about to go to bed. Breathe in, breathe out. Let go, and let God. 

Day 7 Holiday Challenge

Happy Sunday and Feast of Christ the King! 

Weigh In Day

As part of your own accountability, you will want to have a standard weekly weigh in over the Holiday Season. It makes no sense to weigh yourself after every big get together, since your weight is naturally going to fluctuate. Removing yourself from the day to day and focusing on the big picture will help. If you're losing weight, a general rule of thumb for a weekly goal is 1-2 lbs. If you're just starting out, it may be drastically more than this. When I first started I think I lost 12 lbs my first week. As you get closer to maintenance weight the weight loss should slow, even more so as you become proficient in tracking your calories. This is why those shooting for maintenance can indeed remain in a certain range of their maintenance weight. Weight loss and maintenance is a science! 

Try to have on the same amount of clothing as when you first weighed in. Before you step on the scale, it's helpful, especially if your are fearful of what the result will be, to come up with a phrase in your mind. It could be, "whatever the result is today, it is the result of the last week of work, the calories of eaten, the minutes I spent exercising, the make up of water and salt in my body, and the muscle that I have created." Then step on the scale at least 3 times. Take the average of this, so to avoid a bad reading. Once you have the number, accept this. If you are disappointed, become motivated to try harder the next week. Don't be discouraged! The tools you are learning will help you achieve your goal if you remain honest and keep applying them.

On Sundays until our final weigh in I will post my weekly weigh in on the blog.

Challenge Start Weight 289.4
Today = 287.8
Week loss = 1.6 lbs
 Total Challenge Loss = 1.6 lbs,
Total Overall Loss (Since Oct, 2013) = 176.2 lbs

Day 6 Holiday Challenge

Be accountable!

Today's objective: consider getting a health coach, personal trainer, or an accountability partner.

When the tough gets going your own will power might not be enough. Having someone to either guide you through the process or to be there when you're having set backs is a very good way to stay motivated. Some people call this person a sponsor, a diet, health, or life coach. The person might be another friend who is also making similar resolves. This blog is intended to be a certain kind of help for the reader and for myself, but I find that finding support from others is just what I need when I'm about to throw in the towel.

Talking with this person once a week to check in, or texting or calling when you're facing a particular challenge or significant stress can certainly help you get and notice better results over time. You will want to find someone you trust, who will be present, and also be able to tell when you might be slipping in your resolves, especially when you don't notice it. 

I train with a personal trainer once a week. This can be costly, but it is a great way to keep accountable week to week, and definitely helps when it comes to getting through an intense workout. If this is not an option, trying a group fitness class at your gym is a fun way to exercise while developing great relationships with like minded people who will encourage you to push through. 

If you find yourselves struggling with food because you feel that you have an addiction, there are twelve step programs out there that are geared specifically towards helping compulsive overeaters. There are also commercial programs which can supply this kind of support. These are other tools in the belt which can help support you on your journey to health and wellness. 

So get someone who can help you be accountable and stay motivated! 

Day 5 Holiday Challenge

Today's Objective: practice mindfulness

The big secret to losing weight, above even strictly calories in and calories out, is knowing exactly what is going in and what you are doing for yourself. In a certain sense this means "really" knowing, or even contemplating the various components of your journey, from your food, to those steps, to your emotions, your thoughts, the way you handle stress, the reaction you have to a certain food or event. 

Mindfulness involves a spiritual and emotional component that we need to master if we are going to summon the power to stay motivated. 

Mindless eating, that is, eating without thinking, is a big culprit during the Holiday season. Mindless eating is not caring about what is going in, letting your resolve go, deciding to just pack on the pounds.  

Mindfulness is being fully present in the moment, not making any judgments about it, but fully experiencing what the moment is. It is not letting your mind wander, but bringing it back to the center of consciousness. 

Mindful eating, then, is fully experiencing your food in the moment. Truly smelling, tasting, enjoying the food, rather than scarfing it down mindlessly. When you have portioned out your food, look at it, don't just pull food out of a bag and pop it in your mouth. 

Slow down! You're probably eating too fast. The slower you eat something, the more you are likely to be mindful of what you are eating. Take pauses between bites. Drop your fork or spoon if you need to. 

When you are done with your plate, wait 20 minutes. Your body needs about 15 minutes to register that it is full. Waiting is part of this mindfulness. It is getting your mind and body in sync. Even if your mind wants more, your body might be finished without you even knowing it. 

So try this out today. Eat slowly. Experience your food. Try waiting before taking another portion. Be mindful. 

Day 4 Holiday Challenge

Why do you want to do this?

Today's Objective: Create a list of all of the advantages of maintaining or losing weight this Holiday season.

One of the classic ways of staying motivated over time is creating reminders to keep your eye on the prize. Since there are no "prizes" per se in this challenge, you have to come up with your own. It might simply be maintaining or losing weight.

In Habakkuk 2:2, God instructs his servant to "write down the vision." Those who write down their hope for the future seem to "run with it," that is, not give up. You will want to create a list that is simple and easily accessible. Putting this list on your notes or reminders app on your smartphone is the best way that I've found. Others have resorted to making sticky notes and placing it on bathroom mirrors, or making flash cards they can keep in their wallet.

Creating your list:
Your list should start to look something like all the reasons why participating in this initiative is good for you. What are the benefits of not gaining weight over this season? What will you feel like if you fail, and why don't you want to feel that way? What will you feel like if you succeed? What will achieving your goal enable you to do? How will you view yourself? How will others view you? If you achieve your goal, will it help you conquer other areas you wish to change or focus on in life?

This list isn't supposed to be exhaustive. You can always add as you see another advantage. You can always subtract as you achieve the particular advantage.

After you finish this list, read it at least every morning. Some people decide to read it during difficult times, especially around meal times, or when that particular trigger or stressor is leading you to eat or skip your exercise routine.

Your advantages are your own, and nobody has to see them. But they are your prize for this challenge. Consider adding a particular thing you will do for yourself if you accomplish your goal. It obviously shouldn't be "go on a binge," but maybe you schedule a nice massage, or take that day trip somewhere you've always wanted to go. What will you treat yourself with if you accomplish your goal?

Set yourself up to achieve your goals. Write down your advantages. Stay motivated!

Day 3 Holiday Challenge

Today's Objective: Practice Hunger Tolerance

As we looked at spontaneous exercise yesterday, today we look at another practice that involves intentionally choosing something hard over something easy. The concept of hunger tolerance is especially known by great spiritual traditions, such as our own, that practice fasting. Hunger tolerance is being able to endure the relatively small amount of discomfort you get from being hungry.

The purpose of this exercise is to help us endure cravings. There is a difference between real hunger and cravings. Real hunger is your body's reaction to not having the right amount of nutrition at a given moment. It is the body telling you, "I need something to eat soon, or I'm going to start to get the energy somewhere else" (i.e., your fat and muscle stores). A craving is an obsession of the mind over a particular food that for the moment will satisfy a desire, but might not necessarily fit what is nutritional, that is, good for your body. The difficult thing is when you have cravings while you are hungry.

Practicing hunger tolerance can help us differentiate between what is a craving and what is real hunger. As we progress in developing our food plans, we will need to decide what is the right amount of food at a given time, and practice abstaining from food between those times. It's those moments when we have cravings, or those periods around the times we should eat that we want to endure the relatively small amount of discomfort this may cause.

"Relative" is the key to this. Chances are the "pain" you feel when having a craving is very little relative to the pain you've endured from an injury, or the great emotional pain of losing something or someone whom you cherish. You may also think about the hunger of a third world orphan, and the small amount of "hunger" you feel now.

To practice hunger tolerance, choose one meal, either lunch or dinner (you need the energy of breakfast), and skip it. Make sure this meal you are skipping isn't around the time you exercise today. (If at any time you feel light headed, eat or drink something with carbs. Fruit or fruit juice is a good choice). This is not supposed to be a regular thing, it is only a practice in feeling what it is like to be hungry, and perhaps enduring some cravings along the way.

If again this is not advisable by your doctor because of some medical condition, please do not stray from your meal plan. But, if like most Catholics, you have been accustomed to a fast before, also take the time to remember the souls in purgatory while you practice this hunger tolerance.

Write down your experience of how the hunger went, and any craving you might have had. Recall the amount of difficulty or pain you felt, and perhaps compare it to other levels of difficulty or pain. Next, decide if you can go without those extras between meals. Come the holidays, you're going to need to know how to stave off cravings. You will be able to because you know that even the pain of a little hunger is able to be overcome.

Day 2 Holiday Challenge

Today's objective: Practice spontaneous exercise

We may have our workout routines set, or we may not. This is a good place to get those extra steps in or even just to start to move. The concept of spontaneous exercise is like practicing hunger tolerance (a tip for another day): it is the conscious decision to perform a harder activity than an easier one. 

Easier to take the elevator? Take the stairs! Easy to drive just a mile down the road, when you're not punching the clock? Walk (or bike). Easy just to walk back to your car? Jog! Easy just to wait in line tapping your shoes at the checkout counter? Do some calf raises, push-up on your shopping cart! Easy to stare at your computer screen for hours in the cubicle? Use your break to run around a bit, or buy one of those chair cycles or standing computer desks. Skip the embarrassment, you are helping yourself get to your goal! 

If you have a Fitbit or another fitness tracker or pedometer, give yourself a step goal for the day. Chances are your scheduled workout won't get you to a number like 10,000 or 12,500. You're going to have to practice spontaneous exercise to get there. 

Like the idea of eating smaller meals throughout the day, practicing spontaneous exercise throughout the day can help to steady and even improve our metabolism. So choose the harder road, not the easy one. Besides, being spontaneous is fun! 

Day 1 Holiday Challenge

I will be posting daily updates with helpful hints until the final weigh in day on January 9th, 2015.

Weight Maintenance or Loss is based on the simple idea of calories in/calories out!

Today's objective: 

Find out how much your body needs for calories on a normal day. 

This is known as your basal metabolic rate, and it is key to the science of weight loss. If we are to conquer emotional or binge eating during this season (or any season, for that matter), we need to know how many calories our body burns in a day without any effort of our own.

This is best done at the doctor's office with a tool which measures your breath over a period of time. But if you do not have the ability to get this checked, a simple online calculator can estimate this for you. Mayo Clinic offers one here: http://www.mayoclinic.org/calorie-calculator/itt-20084939

Knowing this number is important for two reasons: 1. It tells us the number of calories we must consume to maintain our weight, and 2. It allows us to adjust this number based on our diet and exercise so as to lose or gain weight. 

Those of you concerned with maintenance need only shoot for maintaining this number. Those of you who want to lose weight need only subtract from this number by diet and exercise. Those of you who will, like the majority of Americans, gain weight over the season, will eat in excess of this number over the holidays. 

How do we track our calorie intake and output? Using a fitness app like myfitnesspal helps this. You can search and barcode scan from the largest social media database for the nutritional info of thousands of food choices. You also have the ability on this app to input your exercise routines. There is cross app capability, so that this can easily be done with a Fitbit or your favorite gps running app. It also syncs with Apple's new health app. 

Some helpful things to know:

It is dangerous to consume too few calories. If you have a health condition, this can also complicate things. If you have any concerns, consult your doctor or nutritionist. 

1 pound of fat = 3500 calories. If you want to lose 1 lb a week, which is a normal and healthy goal (most nutritionists advise 1-2lbs a week is healthiest), all you need to do is subtract from your basal metabolic rate just 500 calories a day by diet or exercise. 

Generally the average diet is 2000 calories a day. Subtracting just 500 calories from this without any exercise should in theory mean that if you eat 1500 calories a day, and your basal metabolic rate is 2000, then you will lose a pound a week without picking up a dumbbell or hitting that treadmill. 

Similarly, if you changed nothing in your diet, and burned 500 calories a day with exercise (easily done in an hour at the gym), you would experience the same results. Most people find that a combination of diet and exercise makes for the best results. 

Building muscle helps your overall metabolism and makes your body and heart stronger and healthier. In this model, just a 1700 calorie diet with 300 calories burned in exercise a day will yield better results in the long run than just diet or exercise alone. 

In theory, those of you who want to eat in excess, and take off the calories in the gym, can achieve success. Just know that the exchange for food calories and gym time can be eye opening. Just google it! Also, don't be upset if you go the route of strict exercise to curb the gain, because building muscle means water retention and a denser body mass. Eating too much salt can also contribute to water retention and normal fluctuations of body weight from day to day of 1-2 pounds.

With all of this said, figure out that basal metabolic rate, and then make a plan for what will work for you. Then get tracking! 

Holiday Challenge

Last year during my time working out at the Rochester Athletic Club, I entered the holiday weight loss challenge there. I lost a total of 32 lbs over the holidays from the middle of November to the beginning of January. I won the challenge and a $50 gift certificate, which let me get my first massage.

(January 9, 2014, 407.9lbs)

What was helpful in accomplishing this was not only the fact that I was in a rehab center and dedicated already to losing weight, but having the specific goal of maintaining my weight loss initiatives over the particularly hard season of the holidays. Everyone is concerned with the massive amounts of food, drink, and the number of occasions that we are invited to or have to put on for our friends and family. The goal is not to put on those pounds!

Since I can't provide the check ins, the gym, and the personal training, what I can do is provide all the tips that I will use during this upcoming holiday season, check in with how I am doing, and try to motivate you followers as much as possible so that we together will not gain the average 1-5lbs that we normally gain during this special time of the year.

Step 1: Weigh In.
This is the hardest part. Facing the music. For me, I'm already on the journey, and I'm not so shocked at the number. I weigh in today as 289.4lbs.

Step 2: Create a goal. For most of us, it will be maintenance. Let's not gain a pound! For me, since I'm on a 10 pound goal a month, I would like to be ambitious and try for the 275 mark by the New Year. Final weigh in for me will be Friday, January 9th, 2015.

Step 3: Start making small changes before Thanksgiving. Start to get your plan together, start to hit the gym now. If you haven't signed up for myfitnesspal, think about that.

Step 4: Keep following this blog for daily tips.

I welcome all our OLSH/St Jude family and all followers of the blog to partake in this initiative. Feel free to let me know how you're doing on by messaging on Facebook page, email frryan2011@gmail.com, or friend me on myfitnesspal: frryan 

***As is always recommended, please check with your doctor before beginning any diet or exercise plan. If you are pregnant or suffer from an eating disorder such as anorexia or bulimia, please follow your doctor or psychologist's expert opinion. I am only blogging about what works for me.

So good, so good, so good!

I shared in my twelve step meeting this morning how I went out with a band after their awesome gig a couple days ago. I was a little hesitant going to a Chinese restaurant late at night. Chinese happens to be one of my binge foods. I could eat and eat and eat. It's so good, so good, so good. 

Luckily people knew what I was about, and also it had been a religious event in which I just had an amazing encounter with my higher power. I felt confident that I could keep to my calorie count for the day, log the food I was going to have and not overeat.

I did just that. But even then, it was difficult seeing the mounds of food, the food left over, watch normal eaters go to town and then lose interest. As I smelled the food, I was reminded of the bags of Chinese I used to consume, the pain of the stress that used to drive me to it, the obsession of the mind that it used to be. I get great as other people took home the left overs. 

The next couple of days have been an interesting reminder that even if the obsession might be handled, the allergy of the body is still there. Even though it fit into my calorie count, it seems that I've plateaued in weight loss this week. My body said, yea, I used to crave this food, and now I want more, and darn it, why aren't you giving me more? I've felt very sluggish. Just more of the realization that some foods just aren't good for me, even if they may be ok for others. It's not that I will never have Chinese food again, or that I can't be invited to one of these restaurants, but I have to be more discerning of the type of food I'm eating. And that will be a huge sacrifice! Because isn't it so good, so good, so good? 

Abstinence in food addiction is described as abstaining from the destructive eating behaviors and from all individual binge foods. All I know is that nothing tastes as good as abstinence feels. 

Selfish selflessness

One of the things friends of the addicted seem to miss from time to time is the great lengths the addict must go to to take care of themselves. It often can be mistaken as a vain sort of selfishness. There is a certain selfish component to the work of recovery, because recovery is for the addict. The changed effects will come in time to friends, family, and beyond, but while the addict is in recovery, it's all about the addict. 

Is this a bad thing? Absolutely not. While the person is going through a life changing recovery experience, it's important to not intentionally hurt others on the way, but failing to recognize the patterns that got the addict to where they were in the first place and failing to address the need for a positive way to cope with the stressors of life will only lead to relapse and further isolation from friends. 

It is a holy prospect to be a person for others, a selfless person, a giving person. It is also an ancient dictum that one can't give what one doesn't have. If there is no positive and healthy way to recharge from an addiction triggering event, then there is only the substance to go, since it is easy, gives immediate pleasure, satifsfies the craving for the moment, and and promises to be there when the next trigger comes. The addict forgets the worthy calling of selflessness, and replaces any real human connection with an object. The addict might even make others their objects, rather than subjects to be served and loved. 

What is needed is a certain amount of self-love in order to serve others in love. If  one loves oneself, one can love others. The visible form that this takes can look like selfishness from the outside at times. Taking time for heathy ways of distressing: going to the gym, getting a massage, vacationing at a beach, setting aside a set prayer time, having a nice evening out with friends...these are sometimes necessary components of good recovery. 

When those in professions that serve others, as in my case being a clergy member, begin to take care of themselves, they may face a small amount of criticism from time to time, but at the end of the day they are happier and better able to serve with joy. When that person is an addict, it's all the more important that time is given for this emotional, psychological, spiritual, ans physical recharge. 

So, to those seeking some good advice today, treat yourself with something other than the addictive substance. Reawaken your senses, clear your mind, relax! You have permission to take care of yourself. Forget what others may say, this is important for your recovery! You will be more available for others because you love yourself. 

Memento Mori

Memento Mori, remember your death. This is the classical idea of keeping in mind the fleeting nature of life, the vanities which accompany it, and the responsibility we have to make use of what is given to us while we have it. In the lives of addicts it can be summoned by thinking of the lowest point we've hit, the "rock bottom", or the impending death which will occur if we keep on the current path of substance abuse.

For Christians, the month of November is marked with this sort of character of mortal remembrance, not only because of the nature of the season as the leaves fall and the cold of approaching winter starts to sneak in, but because we begin to pray for the souls of our faithful departed. November 1st, All Saints Day, and November 2nd, All Soul's Day, recall both the eternal destination we share and the brevity of our life here on earth. We remember our beloved dead, and we pray that they enjoy the peace of the kingdom. We remember, by our faith and hope in the paschal mystery, that we have a responsibility to act out of that same faith for the good of our brothers and sisters, so as to merit an everlasting share with the saints in Christ. We remember our Lord's call to do unto the least of his brethren what we would do unto him. We prepare ourselves for selfless acts of caring during this cold season, and give thanks for the many blessings that are bestowed upon us.

I am so blessed to have hit 170lbs of loss since last October! This is indeed a great reminder of the personal sacrifice that is needed to attain victory. It is not without struggles and moments like what is mentioned above. Two weeks ago while on retreat I began to feel what I suspected was a bad case of indigestion. Since it was accompanied by a certain weakness and lightheadedness, I began to feel anxious about it. Nevertheless I continued to workout daily, experiencing minor discomfort. By last Thursday when the pain was peaking, and knowing I had a heart condition, I decided that I needed to get checked out. I waited one more day before I went into the hospital. My sister drove me to the ER late on Halloween night.

I am very grateful to a brother priest for coming out at midnight to anoint me. He is an example of that selfless caring that is expected of us. Although I knew I was in the Lord's hands, I spent the rest of the night anxious to know if my heart was ok from all the efforts of diet and exercise. I couldn't help but think to myself, "this is only because of two things: the damage you did to yourself in gaining all the weight, and perhaps you are overworking your body now." I was beating myself up on two fronts. Luckily the antics of Halloween at the ER made for some fun comical relief. I think I laughed with my sister so much the training nurses thought I was having several heart issues. All was made well when the doctors determined I had a normal EKG, I had no blood clots, and there was no life threatening danger. Thank God!

It's those moments where you think your life may be in danger, though, that put things into perspective. Am I right with God? Am I doing what I need to do for myself? Will I be able to keep doing what I am doing to be healthy? I don't know what I would do if I had to stop exercising! Until I have a cardiac stress test on Tuesday, I probably won't be 100% assured of this. But then, none of us are 100% sure we are going to make it through the day. We know not the day nor the hour!

I got the courage to go to the gym last night and try out the elliptical again. I just did a half an hour, and it felt good to be up there. I still have the chest discomfort, and I'm more and more convinced it's a gastrointestinal issue. I said my weekend Masses with a renewed sense of confidence. God is definitely in control of this. I need to remember that I have to resign myself to his will. None of us have complete power over our own lives. All I've found is that Christ is the way, the truth, and the life.

A bruised reed he shall not break - Is 42:3

A bruised reed he shall not break, and a smoldering wick he shall not quench. -Isaiah 42:3

I first meditated with this passage during my silent retreat prior to being ordained a priest. These are words from the great prophet Isaiah speaking about a merciful God who does not condemn us when we are down, but rather desires that we come to healing. God sees the saint that we are supposed to become. He wants us to be whole. 

This is so important in the realm of human relationships as it relates to people caught in addiction. I am a person who has been the bruised reed and the smoldering wick. I am glad that the Lord was merciful to me and helped me to find healing. In my short time as a priest I have encountered many examples of people who have turned their lives around and are now shining examples of God's grace and power. Yet it all could have been different: "but for the grace of God go I."

The point is that God is the merciful one, and we do not naturally have this instinct as humans. We don't see the point of keeping a bruised reed or letting the smoke of a smoldering wick continue to stink up the room. We naturally want to finish the job and break the reed, or put out the wick altogether. And we must realize that we're talking about people who are bruised and left completely powerless. Perhaps they have hurt us or we cannot endure the effects of their addictions. This is why naturally we flee from wanting to aid them in recovery. 

Perhaps it's coming from the perspective of being changed by God that I don't look at people from a natural perspective anymore. If I see someone who is struggling, I strive to see the potential recovered person who will be happy and who will impact others by their own journey. At times this has even cost me friendships, because there is this tension between wanting to be done with someone and seeing the potential recovery. Just being associated with a bruised reed can sometimes cause others to want to snap you as well.

The problem can occur that some of the bruised reeds are constitutionally incapable of being honest. The big book calls these people "unfortunates". It may not be their fault, but without this important quality of honesty, a bruised reed will not find healing.

This is because the way that God encounters us addicts is through a simple submission to the reality that we are bruised, and the power to remain abstinate that he gives to us through a fellowship and prayer. Without the ability to recognize the brokenness, we cannot fully give ourselves to the one that can restore us. 

May us smoldering wicks find the flame of God! May we find that we cannot burn alone. May we find that we can do together what we cannot do for ourselves. Through our honest acceptance of our powerlessness, may we find the power to live a happy and abstinate life one day at a time! 

Crossing a threshold, flying free

A little over a week ago, I was privileged to take a vacation to a spot that I had gone to shortly before I began piling on the weight a couple of years ago. I met some really amazing friends there, whom I've stayed in contact with throughout the ups and downs. When they desired to return to that resort this year, I hesitated at first, but realized I needed a good vacation to celebrate my accomplishments. 

I knew going to an all inclusive resort just before my one year anniversary of entering Guest House would present its challenges towards making my weight loss goal of being under 300lbs by Oct 22nd. I would be in the presence of buffet style meals and unlimited trips to the bar. I would need to stay in contact with my sponsor and stay active.

So I jumped and booked the trip. I am so thankful I did. I lived and loved life on the trip. I made some great new friends, had some fun partying, snorkeled, danced like the Latino that I am, and kept my food in check. 

I also met some people who encouraged me to do what I never thought I would do when I first went to the resort years ago. I climbed a ladder, stepped onto a tiny platform, and I jumped...I flew on the trapeze...twice! 

Upon returning from that lively and relaxing vacation, I stepped on the scale. I thought I had lost weight on vacation from being so active. To my dismay I was 2lbs heavier. I chalked it up to maybe not being so conscious of my tracking on the last day and a half of my trip. But then weight started to pile on the next two days without any change in my diet or exercise. Suddenly the scale was reading 8-10lbs heavier. I realized then that the thyroid medication that I had ran out of 2 days into my trip was now having a hard time reintegrating. 

By taking my calories down the next couple days and making sure I was on track in the gym, the weight started falling off again. But let me say, I was a bit depressed, obsessed with the scale, body image things started to creep up again. I needed a meeting with my sponsor to put things into perspective. I'm so glad I did. 

Thank God, today, just before my anniversary, the scale reads 299!!! I am 165lbs lighter than a year ago. No surgeries, only lots of grace, therapy, support, tracking food, and hitting the gym, swimming, climbing mountains, running 5k's, spinning, and yes, swinging on the trapeze!!!

Big E success!

I was joking with my friends that there should be an ambassador of health for the Big E. Someone was like, you should write a blog about losing weight at the fair. For those of you who don't know, the Big E is the largest fair in the Northeast, and is held every September here in West Springfield. 

The crazy amounts of food can be overwhelming to anyone, from the Big E creampuffs to the deep fried whatever you can think of. If you aren't paying attention, I think anyone instantly gains a pound when they walk in the gate. But, that's if you're not paying attention! 

The truth is, this food addict made it through the Big E season without gaining a pound! Here's the breakdown:

1. I walked pretty much 15000-20000 steps a day each time I went to the Big E. And I went probably 5-6 times this year. 

2. I completely avoided trigger foods. I had to say goodbye to the famous cheese curds and the buckets of wings. 

3. I logged all my food. This can be hard at the fair, but it's a must. Today we celebrate St Jerome who said Ignorance of Scripture is ignorance of Christ. Well, ignorance of what you're eating is ignorance of how to lose weight. 

4. On days in which I may have overindulgence, say at the V-One tent---shout out to my good friend Paul Kozub---the next day was followed with a cleanse of sorts, and increased cardio at the gym. 

5. I began taking spinning classes. 45 minutes and 15-19 miles on a bike = bingo. 

6. I had fun. 

The Big E was a huge success this year. And even though some of the days I feel like I'm plateauing, I have to remember that in September I've lost 15 pounds l, 5 lbs more than the 10 pound per month average as of late. That is a huge success for me!

I want to thank Mr Cassidy and the Big E staff for allowing me to say Mass under the Big Top of the Big E Circus this year. It was an experience I hope to repeat next year. They taught us in seminary that the priest is not a ringmaster at the circus. Well, not all things you learn in seminary pan out in ministry!!!! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Jesus was made present under a several story high daredevil motorcycle rig. Pretty darn cool. 

Dropping the Rock

On my trip to Guest House it was impressed upon us that the 6th and 7th steps are really important milestones of recovery that we should be accomplishing about 6 months outside of treatment. 

Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Step 7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

For me, I've been stuck on these steps for months. I have so many resentments that I harbor. Yes, I can bring them to confession, yes I can talk about them with people that I trust. But it is so hard psychologically to let go of the weight of what others have done to you when they themselves are in no position to make amends or deal with their own character defects. 

The image was given to us of a swimmer coming to shore, but this swimmer is carrying a gigantic rock. This rock symbolizes all the character defects and resentments one is carrying. Because of the weight it is nearly impossible for the swimmer to swim to shore. In fact the swimmer is exhausted and might even start to sink. The thing is, intuitively the swimmer knows the right thing to do is let go of it, but he or she just keeps holding on, is if it's a life preserver. All the swimmer needs to do is drop the rock. 

Of course, steps 6 and 7 involve a power greater than ourselves which can help us to do that. At the end of the day, I can run to the cross for my strength. I need to becoming willing to let God do what I cannot do for myself. Maybe I can't drop these resentments on my own. God, help me drop the rock! 

Triumphant return to Minnesota

Last week I was able to return to Guest House for a sixth month continuing care retreat. Let's say the return was triumphant. I made my 50lbs weight loss goal since leaving Guest House, and weighed in at the RAC at 311, -153lbs lighter than when I began there Oct 22nd of last year. 

I was filled with emotion as I met other guest house alums, and we marveled mutually at our transformations. I am so inspired by my brothers. The retreat was focused on the dangers of relapse and fully entering into the 12 steps. The danger is real, as some of us have really struggled. It is great to take this moment and reevaluate some of my behaviors so as to give my recovery the greatest chance of success. 

It is sad to see Guest House shut down in Rochester. There are some significant challenges it faces ahead in its transition to Michigan. The administration has asked me to make some recommendations for the food addiction program, as they have the opportunity to craft a new program in a new location. I am happy to see the number of Damascus clients growing. Dioceses are becoming aware of the needs of their priests for recovery from compulsive eating and for weight loss. I believe it will be incumbent on the program to integrate these key aspects of recovery. 

I was very sad to leave the RAC. I likely won't be returning to Rochester, unless it is for my 12 step community, to which I owe a debt of gratitude. I hope I can stay in touch with my trainers and friends in recovery. I just wish I could transport it all to Massachusetts. 

Returning to Springfield is hard, but I am motivated to keep up my recovery here. I want to lose another 80lbs by June 2nd. I'm going to need to hunker down and focus on cutting out extra calories. With the Big e and with a great harvest season ahead, it should prove a bit of a challenge. Staying strong in the grace of God, and with my support system. I will always remember Minnesota. 

You'll never walk alone

I love the words of that inspirational song from Rogers and Hammerstein's musical Carousel, "You'll Never Walk Alone":

When you walk through the storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm
There's a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of the lark

Walk on, through the wind
Walk on, through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

I found myself humming the fantastic version by David Phelps (my favorite tenor right now...praying I get to see him in Boston this next week!) on the last half of my walk last night after a graced encounter with a stranger out for a walk. 

This person stopped me to ask directions to Boston Road, and I said I was heading there. I felt like one of those running gurus who pick up followers on the way. When I introduced myself as Father it immediately framed the conversation. There was a lot of hurt from a past experience of the Church. 

It's moments like these that make me know that God is the one in control. But I am also deeply saddened and frustrated in some of my predecessors. I can't tell you how many people have left the Church because a priest once told them when they were young that they were going to hell. I don't want to accuse every priest, or judge pastoral situations, but it's happened so much and the stories are too frequent to deny that this was the message given to so many people. 

Instead, I believe in a God that always walks with us, even when we are unfaithful. He's always calling us back to himself. Perhaps this was a step back in the right direction. And at least for the last half of my 4 mile journey last night, I knew God was walking with me. 

The Assumption, on being still, and an experiment

Yesterday was a holy day of obligation, and one of great profundity. Celebrating the last of the great Marian dogmas, the Church focused on the mystery of the Assumption. Besides Masses, I was able to two things good for myself. 1. I went to the gym...because, as I said on Facebook, this body ain't assumed! And 2. I made a good confession. 

Steps 4 and 5 of the 12 say we should make a fearless and moral inventory of ourselves, then admit to ourselves, to God, and to another person the exact nature of our wrongs. This can be so freeing psychologically when done on a programmatic level...but this is a true encounter with Jesus in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I needed it, and it keeps me going.

The mystery of the Assumption is not so hard to figure out. It's only logical that the sinless Virgin wouldn't see corruption even in death, but it's so hard to translate this logic to us who are sinful. That is, until we look to her Son, who paid the price for our sins. We won't see eternal corruption if we believe in her Son. This is where steps 4 and 5 can not be complete without an actual encounter of Jesus, who takes away our sins. 

Today I woke up and said Mass, then got in a car with friends and headed to Spencer Abbey in Spencer, Ma to have a half day retreat. It was great to be still even more with the Lord who loves me and has mercy on me. I walked around the beautiful property for half of my exercise for the day (I swam tonight). It is certainly a magnificent place. 

When at lunch, even though I was tempted to stray, I continued in a new effort since yesterday, an experiment, really. Part religious, part let's see what effects it has...I'm giving up meat for a while. Don't know how long. Don't know if I'll even be able to keep it up. But it's something I'm gonna try. I've stuck to it for two days now. Vamos a ver.