Selfish selflessness

One of the things friends of the addicted seem to miss from time to time is the great lengths the addict must go to to take care of themselves. It often can be mistaken as a vain sort of selfishness. There is a certain selfish component to the work of recovery, because recovery is for the addict. The changed effects will come in time to friends, family, and beyond, but while the addict is in recovery, it's all about the addict. 

Is this a bad thing? Absolutely not. While the person is going through a life changing recovery experience, it's important to not intentionally hurt others on the way, but failing to recognize the patterns that got the addict to where they were in the first place and failing to address the need for a positive way to cope with the stressors of life will only lead to relapse and further isolation from friends. 

It is a holy prospect to be a person for others, a selfless person, a giving person. It is also an ancient dictum that one can't give what one doesn't have. If there is no positive and healthy way to recharge from an addiction triggering event, then there is only the substance to go, since it is easy, gives immediate pleasure, satifsfies the craving for the moment, and and promises to be there when the next trigger comes. The addict forgets the worthy calling of selflessness, and replaces any real human connection with an object. The addict might even make others their objects, rather than subjects to be served and loved. 

What is needed is a certain amount of self-love in order to serve others in love. If  one loves oneself, one can love others. The visible form that this takes can look like selfishness from the outside at times. Taking time for heathy ways of distressing: going to the gym, getting a massage, vacationing at a beach, setting aside a set prayer time, having a nice evening out with friends...these are sometimes necessary components of good recovery. 

When those in professions that serve others, as in my case being a clergy member, begin to take care of themselves, they may face a small amount of criticism from time to time, but at the end of the day they are happier and better able to serve with joy. When that person is an addict, it's all the more important that time is given for this emotional, psychological, spiritual, ans physical recharge. 

So, to those seeking some good advice today, treat yourself with something other than the addictive substance. Reawaken your senses, clear your mind, relax! You have permission to take care of yourself. Forget what others may say, this is important for your recovery! You will be more available for others because you love yourself.